THROUGH THE FIRE- by Elaine Hall
THROUGH THE FIRE
by Elaine Hall
I have never felt such relief as when the clock struck midnight, this December 31st.
Other than the year I fought a hard-won battle with stage III cancer, 2024 was the most
stressful of my life.
I found an ironic journal entry I had written on January 19, 2024: “I am in a good
place…Overall, I’m feeling well physically, mentally and emotionally…” Days after I blue-inked
that note, all the walls of safety and security came tumbling down.
I am not the first adult child of an elderly parent who insisted he could still drive, care
for himself and pay his bills; instead, there were visits to the doctor and the ER when he took
his medication incorrectly. I am not the lone one whose heart broke when a father lost the
ability to discern fact from fiction. Misunderstandings, real and imagined, caused hurt feelings
and resentment. I won’t be the last daughter who watched her Daddy, her hero, become
unable to do the things he loved as his health and mental status slowly deteriorated.
And yet, during these trying times, there was One Who carried me. When my busy
brain kept me awake while my mind cried out for sleep, He gave me strength to remain a
good employee, take care of Daddy’s meds, get him to his appointments, and finally convince
him and his beloved companion that they required additional help in their home.
The final week of his life was spent in the hospital. While he was still lucid, there were
highs and lows, laughter and tears, joy and sorrow. His three much-loved granddaughters
spent a night with him. Cementing the bond between cousins, they took turns soothing their
PapPaw when he grew agitated. They recalled their childhood memories: sitting in his lap as
they drove his lawnmower; him sneaking them candy too close to dinnertime; and opening his
wallet for their mini-shopping trips. He was blessed with over ninety years, most of them with
good health and a sharp mind. That bittersweet night helped them accept the harsh reality
that their beloved grandfather was slipping away.
During this heartrending period, God enshrouded me. A cousin, who is in the ministry,
said my brain fog was God shielding me from my grief. Most of the time, I answered the
questions of family and friends of how they could assist me with, “Please help me think.” And
they did. They ran errands, made phone calls, brought food while we kept vigil at the hospital,
and just comforted us with their presence. I was so caught up in an emotional whirlwind that I
barely realize how God was using His people to meet all my needs.
Even at that moment, just before midnight, when Daddy stepped into the arms of
Jesus, God was there. In the hospice room, my sister and I had fallen into a deep, exhausted
sleep and were unaware of Daddy’s passing until the RN woke us to report it.
It didn't get any easier to make decisions about his last wishes, most of which were
unstated or undocumented. In 95 years, he had amassed an extensive amount of clothing,
tools, electronics, two vehicles, etc. My sister and I agonized over each decision. Did we
dispose of his belongings like he would have wanted?
For months prior to, during and after his death, stress was taking its toll. I was working
late making up lost hours for family meetings, medical appointments, driving an hour round
trip just to load Daddy’s pill organizer and doing my best to help him.
Soon after his passing, I was the one visiting physicians in three different specialties,
wrestling with new diagnoses, medications and enduring outpatient procedures. My health
issues became a runaway train dragging me down its tracks with fatigue, exhaustion,
insomnia, and depression.
And yet. Through it all, there was Jesus. When I lay awake at night with the turmoil of
all the “what if’s”, He soothed me as I cried out my sorrow, my frustration, my fears. Then like
a child leaning against her Father’s chest and listening to the beat of His heart, He slowed my
spinning thoughts with a reminder of the promise in Isaiah 43:2. “When you pass through the
waters, I will be with you..when you walk through the fire.. the flames will not destroy you.”
Life will always be hectic; there will always be demands on time, strength and
resources. He is the calm in the storm and only He can bring peace in the
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