The Price of Forgiveness
“A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body.”
Proverbs 14:30
by Elaine Hall
Have you ever had your feelings crushed by a family member, a fellow Christian or a dear friend that devastated you? After your mind replayed the event over and over, did you tell everyone how awful that person was or let it keep you awake at night? Is the emotional injury that ruined your life always on the periphery of your mind?
Who among us has not been used and abused, kicked when we were down, then disappointed in ourselves because we didn’t or couldn’t strike back? You may hold on to your invisible wound; eat, sleep and drink with it until it gets buried so deep that, like the double helix of your DNA, it becomes entwined in your body and soul.
You may demand, “How am I’m supposed to move on after my junkie ex-roommate stole my rent money and racked up my credit card bill? You’ve got to be kidding. I got kicked out of my place and was forced to live on the streets!”
What your previous roomie did was despicable, but you’re doing yourself no favors by nursing the grudge.
“What about my former co-worker? The one who lied about me, embarrassed me in front of my peers and put my job in jeopardy?”
Yeah, him, too. The offender may be unaware of the carelessness of his actions, is deluding himself or simply doesn’t care. Holding on to your anger and resentment is not only hurting yourself, but those who love you.
The betrayal may go deep. It might have train wrecked your whole world and you still reel from that person’s reprehensible behavior. Yet unforgiveness that spirals into anger and hate will drag you down and drown you in an ocean of past offenses. That wrongful deed arms you with ammunition to ignite a fireball of vengeance. You want payback. He did this to me, so I’ll do that to him.
Your obligation is to forgive. It’s up to God to deal with your transgressor.
Jesus’ parable in Matthew 18: 23-35 still applies today: “The kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.” The monarch canceled a servant’s enormous debt of ten thousand bags of gold. Yet that same ungrateful servant demanded that his own subordinate be thrown in jail for owing him only one hundred silver coins. When the master learned what happened, he had the forgiven debtor jailed and tortured. The last verse is a chilling warning: “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
Unforgiveness is a deep pit. Its darkness affects your mental health and places you at risk for anxiety and depression. When the brain and emotions roil, the body pays the price with perpetual stress that is linked to a variety of diseases. Re-reviewing the acts of the guilty party produces fight-or-flight responses in our fists clenching, teeth grinding, heart racing and thoughts churning. Your immune system goes into overload and you become susceptible to heart disease, high blood pressure, even diabetes. This self-punishment will sabotage your relationships and, most importantly, your intimacy with God.
You may concede, “I’ll forgive, but I won’t forget”. That negativity not only traps you in the past, but chains you to the offender. Most insulting of all, that individual may be blissfully unaware of the damage done by his or her cruelty. Your refusal to absolve that person may not hurt him or her, but you have unwittingly placed them in control of your life if you allow all that hostility to dig a crater in your soul.
In John 20:21-23, right after Jesus was resurrected, He told His apostles: “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you. And with that, He breathed on them and said, ‘Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.’” This scripture emphasizes how serious Father and Son are about forgiveness. It’s right up there with the Great Commission, the Third Person of the Trinity and peace.
How can you ever forgive verbal, physical, emotional or financial attacks? The answers to that question are in next month’s blog post, The Peace of Forgiveness.
TO BE CONTINUED
SOURCES:
Forgiveness: Letting Go of Grudges and Bitterness – Mayo Clinic, Sandhya Pruthi, M.D, Chief Medical Editor, November 22, 2022.
Forgiveness: Your Health Depends on It – Johns Hopkins Medicine
The Danger of Unforgiveness – The Master’s University from, “The Characteristics of One Who Forgives”, a sermon preached by Dr. John MacArthur, 1991.
The Power of Forgiveness – Harvard Health Publishing/Harvard Medical School, February 12, 2021.
The Conversation
An awesome lesson. One that has touched me personally. Carrying unforgiveness in our hearts and minds is detrimental to everyone who does it. It affects us from the moment we awake each day, and even creeps into our sleep. It can also be seen in our actions toward others, appearing as though we constantly have a chip on our shoulder.
It took me literally years to forgive MYSELF. And Satan used it to make me feel unworthy of serving my Lord and Savior. I couldn’t talk to others about the Bible, about God’s forgiveness, or even sharing scripture; I had created my own prison.
Please hurry with sharing Part II, as I feel this is something that holds so many of us captive.
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